Blog Archive: November 2003
I Present to you: A Cautionary Tale for Sock-Puppet Entertainers Everywhere...BEWARE!
Daniel attempted to smile at the group of young children seated before him on confetti-strewn carpet. This was his fifth Birthday party gig this week, and each had been a disaster.

He crossed his fingers and prayed that Mr. Sockforahead could keep it together this time.

Just this once.

"Hello, Mr. Sockforahead, what do you have to say to all the little kiddies today?" he said to a sock-puppet draped over his right hand.

"Fuck you, kids!" was Mr. Sockforahead's jolly reply.

Daniel looked as shocked as the parents at the back of the room. This was not a good start. The kids laughed, so Daniel tried to save face before someone hurled him bodily from the house.

"Uh, Mr. Sockforahead, that wasn't very nice. We're here to entertain the children."

"They're having fun," said Mr. Sockforahead. "And if they aren't, well I don't give a shit!"

There were more silent stares from the parents.

Someone choked on their punch.

"Mr. Sockforahead, behave yourself."

"And what if I don't? What if I blow raspberries at everyone in the room? Thspsppppp!"

The kids laughed again, and the parents seemed to drop their defenses. But that was just the fuel Mr. Sockforahead needed for another outburst.

"What if I mooned them all, huh?" Mr. Sockforahead hoisted his sock up and bared the back of Daniel's hand to the crowd. "And what if I pulled down my pants and pissed all over the audience?"

That was it.

"God dammit, Mr. Sockforahead!"

Daniel ripped the sock from his hand and throttled it.



Posted By Sammy the Sock Puppet on 28 Nov 2003 12:24:11 EST | Permalink
Comments from the Great Jeff Andrews
I would like to start out by commenting that this is in fact not my first time at this site. You see, although I have been the leading male in many of the Oh Cany Productions, I was blindly ignored in the making of this site...perhaps to make it a "surprise". Well under Federal law I could sue Oh Cany Productions for this unauthorization of my image. My manager was very upset. Oh by the way, my manager is not really my manager.... he is sort of a rock, if you will. And my lawyer happens to also be a rock. Actually my entire home is filled with rocks that I name. Actually my fiance happens to be a sedimentary rock named pebbles... where am I going with this? Oh right! Congratulations Oh Cany Productions on finally making a name for itself on the World Wide Web amongst the black market shopping centers, porn shows, perverted losers who make sites for themselves, and the New Jersey Visitor Center Home Page. We have certainly made it!
Posted By Jeff Andrews on 19 Nov 2003 19:03:07 EST | Permalink
Lisle Odeline is the salt of the friggin earth
Have I ever told you that Lisle Odeline is the best defenseman in the entire NHL? I don't care about Rayborg and I don't care about Marty McSorely. Forget them. I mean, Lisle really is the salt of the earth. He's the cat's whiskers AND meow.... Such an asset. Such an asset.

Let me tell you about Lisle Odeline. You think Gregor Schwindle is fast? Well Lisle Odeline can outskate that shmuck two to one.
Trust me. I know. And also Lisle Odeline has a pet iguana. Gregor Schwindle doesn't have a pet iguana. And all good defensemen have iguanas. Everyone knows that. It's like the cardinal rule of the defensemen code, going all the way back to the dawn of time! You have your defenseman in one hand, your iguana in the other. I mean, that's just the way it's always been.

How can Schwindle even dare to compare to Lisle Odeline? I mean there's just no comparison. Odeline's a better defenseman pure and simple...he's quicker, he's better looking, and boy can that boy skate...upside down, backwards, loop-de-loops, name it, he can do it--and with style. And unlike some people (not to mention any names...ahem...Shwindle...ahem), he ACTUALLY HAS an iguana. Lisle Odeline may be many things, but an iguana-hater he is not.

Posted By Slobedan Milosevec on 11 Nov 2003 17:38:04 EST | Permalink
Major updates....and I've done pretty much everything I can think of
See the new Oh Cany Poll and random "Featured Film" thing on the left? And the edited Tiddemy guy image? And the new link for GUESTBOOK on the left? (Which everyone should sign, btw.) Also, Minnesota Campers and Yakety Yak are up.

The only actual content that isn't up is the Nonmortals stuff that I don't have, the Don Quijote project (which I don't have) and half of the Oh Cany Colorado scenes (which I don't have.) Although some new sections (and therefore new content) is possible, for now this site has all that I really want to put up. But of course, I could get bored one day and just add more stuff like I did today.

So, get to work and actually submit stuff so that this site isn't so boring and bland!

Posted By Pete on 08 Nov 2003 02:54:38 EST | Permalink
Canadians real plan
I uncovered a private conversation held between two canadians the other day. It was about a TV show that was based on the Journeys of a Member of the RCMP. I was quite shocked with what i learned:
“My hope is that most foreign nations will view this [show] as an accurate portrayal of the Canadian character – that we are polite, honest, deferential, patient, etc. This should help us disguise the darker Canadian purpose: global domination.” Paul Gross

Posted By Neeloc on 05 Nov 2003 23:29:35 EST | Permalink
Lack of anything to do
I actually decided to post some thing here... because ResNet is actually working for once and Retep makes a good point it is our job to keep this web page, America, and the world going, Life is auto-updating damnit, and if you don't contribute well... You're going to hell

Oh one more thought,

What's the deal with all of these cartoons getting there own mac and cheese pasta, damnit I want Pete Mac and Cheese where it all looked like me!!

Posted By Other Pete on 04 Nov 2003 14:16:36 EST | Permalink
Don't you dare say anything bad about lens-grinding!
I am a lens-grinder, my father was a lens-grinder, as was his father before him. I come from a long line of lens-grinders, and we are proud of our trade. So think twice before you make some off-color comment about lens grinding, lenses or eyeglasses. Don't you dare call me "four eyes" or "window face"....I wear my glasses with pride--they're not just lenses and a frame, but symbols of passion, liberty and the American way!
Posted By Lensy on 03 Nov 2003 00:48:39 EST | Permalink
Minnesota Campers!
we want our Minnesota Campers now!
Posted By Chris Gilfillan on 01 Nov 2003 09:40:45 EST | Permalink

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